What We Believe | Our conscious mind
At least I’m not as dumb as her.”
Those words were spoken behind my back by Derek in my
sophomore biology class.
Derek was three times the size of every other awkward fifteen-year-old in my grade, a guy everyone feared. I was a
shy, quiet student who barely opened my mouth. How could he possibly find me dumb?
The thing was, I wasn’t
dumb. I made all As and a few Bs with little effort—even in
the most academically challenging classes.
I look back at that sophomore girl sitting there at the
long science lab table and wish I could hold her face and
tell her how not-dumb she is, but I’m not sure she would
listen. Within an hour of Derek saying she was dumb,
those tiny folds of tissue between her ears had built an entire case against her value, her security, her intellect,
and her potential that would play on repeat for a decade to
come.
A recent college grad with a degree in broadcast journalism, I was interviewing for a job at a news station.
Two men from the station took my friend and me to dinner. They didn’t want to talk about the job; they wanted to get to know us. After realizing they were hitting on us, I sat there and thought, I will never be taken seriously in business by men. That thought made me believe I did not have anything to offer as a woman in business.
I built a case against my education, training, and
gifts that would affect me for years to come.
My husband and I found ourselves in one of our first real fights as a newly married couple. He ignored me, and I
slammed some doors pretty hard. He moved on, but I
couldn’t stop thinking, He doesn’t really love me. And my mind started to build a case against our marriage.
After losing my temper with my eight-year-old son, I lay in bed later that night and thought, I am failing as a
parent. For years, off and on, that thought twisted its way deeper into my mind.
The thing is, I have always believed in lies. And not just
believed them but built entire chapters of my life around
them.
I’m pretty sure the same is true for you.